Hey Jenn! Ebay has the best pashminas for really cheap. They're soft and they sit nice on girls with big boobies. And mine keeps me very warm. I wear it all the time! Well, not ALL the time. I'm not wearing it now.
I don't like to go shopping. I used to like to go shopping, even found it to be a fun hobby. But ever since I've had kids, shopping is a pain in the butt.
I haven't like shopping for almost 18 years now.
So, I hate shopping and go where I have to go to pick up whatever it is I have to get it and get the hell out.
This morning I found myself at Southdale because I wanted one of those cool looking kitchen scales. Not a digital piece of crap. A cool one with a stainless bowl perched on top of the weight portion doohickey. I want a scale for the kitchen because I'm eating healthy and want to know what an ounce of deli turkey is so I can quit eating so damn much. Know what I'm sayin'?
They had nothing but some crappy analog one and some crappy digital one. So I left Southdale and thought about heading across the street to the Williams Sonoma store but you know, I just didn't want the scale bad enough to go to a second place to look at it. Figured I'd find it on eBay.
Then I headed off to Target with my list of needed supplies - toilet paper, kitty litter, boring stuff.
While I was there I figured I'd take a look for a kitchen scale. And wouldn't you know it? Target had one and at a really good price. Thank you Target. If I get skinny. If not, thanks for letting me buy those candy bars for the kids that they may never see. God I love having kids. Gives you an excuse to purchase candy bars guilt-free and then change your mind about who gets to eat them. Reason enough to go out and adopt one if you don't have one already.
Anyway, this is not why I'm writing this second entry today. Nay. I'm writing to let you know that while I hate shopping, today I found it so entertaining that I'd wish I'd brung popcorn.
brought.
The aisle next to where I was picking out my kitchen scale had a mother/daughter dueling duo. Daughter looked to be my age while mother looked to be my mom's age. And I'd know this because I started to follow them. And I started to follow them because you would have, too. They were really getting into it. It was priceless.
Bickering up and down the kitchen gadgets aisles. Bickering up and down the food aises. Bickering up and down the bathroom towel aisles. Bickering about the color green. Bickering about soup. Bickering about bickering. They made me and my mother look like Bickering Lite. They were the Elizabeth Taylor is Who's Afraid of Virginia WOOLFs of bickering. I was afraid of them. God how I loved them. I followed them as long as I could make it look like I wasn't following them. Had they realized what I was doing, they would have taken me down. Down, people!
Seriously. Mother/daughter relationships are truly fucked up.
So I got to my checkout line and had to wait during the world's slowest checkout before me. Which was quite fortunate as some woman, once again about my age, started running up and down and back and forth yelling "Gertrude!" "Gertrude!" Finally a Target employee tried to stop her to ask if she needed anything.
The woman would not stop running. Not really "running" but more like "white boy hopping on the dance floor" - a really big dance floor. Up on the down beat kind of hopping-running. Kept on hopping-running while trying to explain to everyone around her that she'd lost Gertrude. Who had alzheimers. "Oh God! Gertrude! My God! Gertrude! Gertrude! GERTRUDE! I've lost Gertrude! GERTRUDE GERTRUDE GERTRUDE!!!!!!!" They finally got her to stop so she could give them a description.
Target in action, people. Once they finally got this moron to calm down long enough to get a physical description of her, there were Target employees everywhere! It's as thought all of the country's Target employees were beamed to this one location because I've never seen so many Target employees at one time.
They canvassed the aisles. They canvassed the parking lot. All the while, Gertrude's daughter ran-hopped like a dancing white boy around, yelling "Oh my god! Gertrude! GERTRUDE! She's lost! She's lost! She has alzheimers! I just had her! Gertrude! GERTRUDE!" Running-hopping in circles around the cash registers as though that might make Gertrude pop up from one of them and say "Here I am! Surprise!"
I thought about stopping at the Starbuck's near the front door so I could see how it all ended. But decided against it and headed out to the parking lot where there were more than a dozen Target employees walking the parking lot aisles.
Finally I saw a Target employee escorting a very calm and happy woman from the grocery store next door. It dawned on me then - Gertrude was trying to make a break from her obnoxious, insane circle-running daughter. Or maybe get a little something sweet for herself because her looney daughter would never calm down long enough to give her just one cookie. I thought that maybe I should rescue her and take her out for the day.
But I didn't do that either. One mother is enough. But by golly, I'd trade one hyper brainfarting depressed mother for a calm and happy confused mom any day.
Oh crap! I just remembered I have that new phone with the camera. I could have captured some of it for you! Maybe next time. Sorry about that.
12:35 p.m. - January 03, 2007
Recent entries:
just wondering - June 16, 2012
10 Years of Blogging - October 31, 2010
- - March 15, 2010
For Cosmic - June 29, 2009
Here I Am - April 02, 2009
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