March 03, 2007

I was just thinking about one of the apartments I'd lived in when I was in college. There were four apartments in our little section. My girlfriend Karen and I lived in one, two guys lived next door, three guys lived across the hall and two other guys lived kitty corner from us. That would be 7 guys and 2 gals. I liked those odds. Especially since Karen went home to her boyfriend every weekend. So it was 7 guys and 1 me.

1) I once removed my next door neighbor's contact lens from his eyes because he was too drunk to remove them himself but was worried they'd get stuck to his eyeballs if he passed out with them still in. It's not easy removing someone else's contact lens. Even if you are sober.

2) I wasn't sure if I wanted to be so helpful because he'd just been wrestling on the floor with some poor redheaded chick. She kicked his tukus. Go redheaded chick!

3) I met my neighbors a few months prior when one of their roommates was wrestling in the hallway and they came crashing through my apartment door. Well, hello there drunken neighbor! Glad to meet you.

4) When the guys next door weren't wrestling with the guys across the hallway, they were having keggers and playing poker. I used to walk into their apartments when the music got too loud and just turn the volume down. Once, a guest went to turn the volume back up and my neighbor said, "Just leave it alone. Next time she'll just take the stereo out". Well, I never! I'd never taken their stereo out before. But, what a great idea!

5) Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and see one of the guys from across the hallway sneaking across my kitchen to help himself to our food. We had food in our fridge while they just had beer in theirs. I never found out how he got in.

6) But I could get into his apartment anytime I wanted, and help myself to beer or cable t.v., because I knew where they hid their key. On the light right outside my apartment. I needed a chair to get to it.

7) One night we all decided to bbq some steak so one of the guys rigged a hibachi to hang outside of his window. We were on the second floor. While I was baking potatoes in my oven I heard one of the guys yell "Fire!". By the time I got there, the hibachi had already caught fire, caused the wood he'd rigged it on to catch fire, and fall to the courtyard below. Thankfully no one was injured and the soot was relatively easy to clean up.

8) Sometimes we would all pile into one of the guy's tiny cars and go to the nearest bar for happy hour, where we'd mostly go for the free appetizers. Free dinner! If you don't mind existing on meatballs and chicken wings.

9) The two guys that lived kitty corner from us were rarely seen. Every once in a while they'd come to me to try and help tame down the other guys. Like I was the dorm mother, I guess. They were not party animals like the other 5 guys. Hmmm. I think they actually went to their classes.

10) I should have done that.

Non-Blog Sites
I Can Has a Cheezburger